The Idea Of An Ideal Marriage

Marriage has always been a challenge for me. After a failed one back in the 90's, I turned my back to its essence, vowed not to get into that kind of trouble ever again and just settle for the "alone but never lonely" stature.   Every single offer of commitment was evaded and treated with ridicule, sometimes even hurting the egos of those "knights in shining armor wannabe's." I was a terrible yet precise epitome of William Congreve's "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned." One-time misery is enough for a strong and wise woman like me.

Then came the unorthodox "prince charming" that I never expected to exist. To my surprise, I've known the guy for the longest time! It got me thinking. Maybe friendship would be a more stable foundation in a relationship, a combination worth trying. His persuasiveness was so inviting so the rest became history. 

I guess maturity and knowing what we really want helped in making our marriage, fun and challenging all at the same time. But what we never forget is, despite of the hardships, we always make it a point to remember that we love each other and that by the end of the day, we have more than enough reason to smile and say, "this is still a good day sweet."

I never believed that our union made as one in everything but I am into the concept that despite our differences, we allow ourselves to accept them and still maintain a harmonious relationship. Sounds easy huh? Well, of course not! Just imagine two people with very strong convictions over a cup of coffee, definitely chaotic. A comparison to the typical debates at the public plaza is such an understatement, AS IN!

Our friends would say what we have is an ideal marriage. I greatly agree! Not because we are often seen having fun in facebook all the time but because we are normal, just like other couples. I guess we may rise a little bit above the others because we see our disputes as eye-openers that lead us to a much better understanding of each other.

My husband would always tell me, "You could never find a husband like me!" Well, he couldn't find a wife like me either, but I guess he knows it. It's easy for us to appreciate that we have each other, thus making our relationship a much healthier and happier one. 

To those who plan to get married, well you just need to make sure that you are marrying for the right reasons. Not to extend your bloodline but because you found the one you want to spend your entire lifetime with. Not someone you could display like a Ming Vase but a partner that you'll enjoy being with wherever, whenever. 

To those who don't believe in marriage at all. Maybe it's your calling. There's nothing wrong with single blessedness but if you're not that sure, it helps to take risks. At least you won't end up wondering how it would be to have someone beside you, laugh with you, care for you. There's no such thing as "too late."

As for me, I know I'm in good hands. I'm pretty sure that there would always be a thorny path here and there but I think we can get through them easily. Thank you so much for being there sweet and for always trying to hold on. Promise, I'll do my share too. :)

Remember, marriage is not all about responsibility, obligation, security and all that serious stuff, it's also fun, laughter, plain and simple happiness. As I always say to my friends, "there may be reincarnation but no can be certain of it. I know that I have this life now so I should live it like it's my only one. Never waste a second for I may not have another day. Time is gold and I think I'm making sense. CONCEPT, that's what it is!"

Happy Thoughts everyone. :D

The Intrigue Behind No Other Woman

I am not fond of watching Tagalog movies but one actually caught my attention because my daughter invited me to watch a movie of Derek Ramsey and Anne Curtis entitled "No Other Woman". Of course I didn't go because  I felt that I really didn't want to see a movie with that kind of that plot.

I was however amazed by the audience' response to the movie because it hit 100M in just five days. I began to wonder, despite the common face-slapping confrontations smothered with a lot of melodrama that filipino movies usually cater, what else would be the crowd-drawer of this film?

For one, my daughter wanted to watch the movie because of peer pressure and besides, let's face it, it's the most recent  "IN" movie to hit the cinemas.

For those men (ages 12 to 70), for sure they want to see the sensual Christine Reyes and the alluring Anne Curtis.

For women, although Derek Ramsey is a cool sight for sore eyes, I think it's the intrigue  of either being a martyr wife or a free-spirited mistress.

Despite of these factors that the movie could offer, it all boils down to one thing. The culture's love for sentimentality. Domestic problems like extra-marital relationships would always be elevated to the next level because emotions are of course involved. Sometimes, though, because of too much emotional hype, our sensibility is over-shadowed. The simplest things become unnecessary complexities.

Here I go again, attempting to shed some light to make things as uncomplicated as possible especially to those who just enjoy the overkill of what if's.

First for husbands:

     * Bored with the same old face that you see every morning? Be honest with your wives and if they value your marriage, they will definitely go for a makeover. Lost the excitement? Work on it with your wife. You married her in the first place so for sure there would be at least an inch of respect that could lead to loving her (especially for victims of "shotgun weddings").

     * Surrounded by temptation and you are supposed to be very vulnerable to it? Look the other way if your marriage is still of value to you. If you really can't stop appreciating beauty (which is by the way the universal excuse of men) please make sure to exert a bit more effort not to be caught. As the popular cliche goes, "If you can't be good, be careful."

     * Don't love you wife anymore but can't leave because of the kids (This goes to the wives too...)? Remember, your kids do grow up and by the time that they will leaving home one by one, you're going to be stuck with the same partner that you despise. The key would be to be honest with your kids about the whole scenario and eventually they would understand the essence of choice.

     * If all else fails, please don't take advantage of your wife's trust. Remember, "You can't always have your cake and eat it too."

For the wives:

     * Don't allow suspicion to escalate. Sometimes, we trust our hunches more than our husbands. If you want to be treated fairly, do the same thing to your partner. It will save time and wrinkles, 100% guaranteed.

     * I came across an anecdote quite some time ago that as a wife, play all parts. A mother, sister, bestfriend,  and most of all a mistress. Don't be complacent that because you are the legal partner and that all income goes to you, everything should be running smooth. It is our job to keep the mystery alive to keep our partners wanting for more.

     * If you have confirmed that your husband is on an ongoing affair, talk to him about it. Lay your rules as is. If he does not give in and still stays with the other woman, that's your cue to leave the relationship. It is useless to waste your time with someone who does not deserve your nurturing nature. Give value to yourself. Don't be afraid to face life alone.  I promise you, it's better to be single than betrayed.

    * Let's not be tied on the fear of being criticized if the marriage failed. You are not answerable to anyone except yourself. Besides, that is so 60's and we are now in the new millenium. Walk with pride because you know for one that you gave it your best shot.

Punchline!

If all efforts were exhausted and it still boils down to a failed marriage, just leave quietly. If you can't be a good spouse at least give your partner some dignity and for sure everything will be well as time would pass by.



Photo Credit:

http://showbiznest.blogspot.com