Goodbye Anger!

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Have you ever been to a point of being angry enough to lose the cool? What I mean is something like wanting to strangle a person for stating the obvious or probably because you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed pushing you to be irrational for the next 24 hours? Too bad I'm one of them. 

I can't say it's with the genes since my dad was also hot tempered but regardless to its origin, I don't see anything right about it. So I am taking an effort to correct this attitude to make my life way better.

As I googled for articles about anger management, I came across a write up of the American Psychological Association. I was glad that the article wasn't too technically written and in lay man's terms for everyone's better comprehension.

The basic anger release is expressing, suppressing and then calming.  

  * Expressing is not being aggressive but rather, assertive. Because in the first place only you can identify what it is you want to happen to avoid conflict. Unexpressed anger usually is the more dangerous one because the problem will never be resolved since it's never discussed, getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on. I have to admit, I belong to this category which could actually kill meaningful relationships.

  * Suppressing is mainly holding on your anger and diverting your attention into something positive. Too bad if you are surrounded with a chaotic environment that you just have to look deeper into yourself to find your "happy place". 

  * Calming refers not only to the external behavior but it also compliments the internal behavior of your body such as a steady blood pressure to soothe your way to the process.

 Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, if all these fails then  someone—or something is going to get hurt. 

Here's the Best part of the article. It discusses about the different ways to keep anger in a manageable level.

  * Relaxation - Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

  * Cognitive Restructuring - Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life.

  * Problem Solving - Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

  * Better Communication - It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

  * Using Humor - Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

  * Changing Your Environment - Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful.

With all these alternatives, no one could say, "I didn't have a choice!" 

For the full article here's the link: http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx#